Me and my friend (Elisha) took a step closer to stare at an incredible creature. We reached out our hands, slowly and quietly to stroke the beast without it awaking. Gently I stroked, as Elisha slapped, but the monster was still sleeping. Suddenly its one eye opened an inch. Our legs were shaking like jelly. Scared, we took a step back as the dragon’s eye closed. When we stepped closer, we found chains leading to its neck “maybe its fed up ? ” Elisha asked, I had a think. We looked around; nothing nice nearby “maybe it is” I replied. “run!” I screamed as the dragon slowly stirred …
Hi Chloe
ReplyDeleteI like how you and your friend Elisha stared at the beast. And how your legs shook like jelly
From Ella
what a great story and you used a great similie (our legs were shaking like jelly)
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this. I liked the simile "Our legs were shaking like jelly." I couldn't really understand it near the end but apart from that it was excellent. This reminds me of trying to stroke a tiger ata the zoo!
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From Jessica at Tetherdown Primary.
Hi, Chloe. This is a very good 100WC. I love the way you described the sleeping dragon, and I loved the idea of his eye opening up just a little. You describe your emotions well, too. Only one little thing -- often we writers have to choose between I and me. Here's a trick: take your sentence Me and my friend (Elisha) took... Remove everything but Me, (pronoun) and took, (verb.) If "Me took" doesn't sound right, try "I" instead -- I took. That's how you know which pronoun to use. I learned that in Grade 6, and I've never forgotten!
ReplyDelete