Dear diary,
One of the worst days of my life...
And it all began like this
It was the day Miss Harris revealed the final class project i would ever complete at primary school. We had to make a sculpture of something we loved. I was desprate to impress. I lay awake all night thinking about what I could do. Suddenly it came to me, my two favourite things were chocolate and my pet bunny called Coco. So the next day I sat by the side of my bunny and started to get to work. after five hours, i had finally completed my work of art. I was so proud of myself, it looked amazing. I put in the fridge overnight to set. I was so excited about presenting my final peice of art work to the class. 'Ta da' I exclaimed lifting the lid off the box. "Oh no, the chocolate bunny has melted in the sun!" I cried holding up a blob of chocolate!
Great piece of work Elisha. Your first to be published I think? I really like the storyline to this. What a shame that the rabbit melted after all that hard work!
ReplyDeleteIf you were to improve this in any way, you could think about how to begin the sentences in a wider variety of ways.
Well done and thank you for doing this in your holidays!
Mrs P
Hi Elisha
ReplyDeleteWe like your 100 wc! One way to improve is to use capital letters at the start of sentences! Me and megan don't get the bit were u say the chocolate rabbit melted in the sun because it was in the fridge!
Good 100 wc! Sasha and meg!
We love your story! I could feel the disappointment in your voice : o )
ReplyDeleteMrs.Goins & The Third Grade Rockstars at Mossman Elementary in Texas
Lovely!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful imagination you have to make this prompt into a diary extract.
Wonderful!
Just a small point to consider: make sure you always proof read your work out loud so you know it makes sense to the reader
Well Done
Mr Overton
(100WC Team)
well done i liked your 1000WC
ReplyDeleteDiss, Norfolk, UK
Hi Elisha! This piece of work is quite similiar to Sasha's isn't it? However, I like how your 100wc is a diary entry. The only way it could be improved is by doing a tiny bit more sentence openers. I hope you have more 100wcs on the blog!
ReplyDeleteHi Elisha great 100wc. I really felt the despair in the story. The only way to improve it would be to add some conectives, and some more sentence openers.
ReplyDeletekeep up the good work
Aran