The fountain
Wow I can’t believe my eyes
we found what everyone has been looking for. The fountain of youth! It was
beautiful, the sun made the wet substance look like glittering diamonds. “Wow!”
I said speechless as I dived onto the soft bed of grass, and relaxed in the
sun.
Then I tested the water on a
monkey, and when I pulled him out he was gone. Then I noticed I only needed a
drop. “Moby NOOOOO!” I shouted…
Hi Maple!
ReplyDeleteI love all the adjectives you put into this fabulous story!
I also love the cliff hanger at the end.
Next time, use lots of punctuation, to make your story more exciting!
India
Alex,
ReplyDeleteThis paragraph was enjoyable to read. I like your simile: " . . . the sun made the substance look like glittering diamonds. To make this paragraph even more enjoyable to read, be careful about using the proper punctuation. Overall good 100WC--keep it up. (Teacher of English, Ocean City, NJ, USA)
alex than was an awsome stroy mitc
ReplyDelete