The trap door
As Tim and Moby walked towards the strange door, it opened
by it’s self. They thought about if they should go through the rusty, old door.
But as they walked round the fascinating door, they fell down into the darkness
of an under ground maze.
Luckily they
were we not hurt. Tim shouted at the top of his lungs, “where are we,
Have we
fallen into Oblivion!?” However the two adventures did not know that these
were the
grounds where the King, (over one-hundred years ago) hid from his enemies.
They explored
the caves one-hundred times. But would they survive in the caves?...
Cool!
ReplyDeleteHello Jess! I love how descriptive your 100wc was. I am from THE FABULOUS 6D'S BLOG and have noticed your class have posted some lovely comments on our blog. I love your blog as it is unique.
ReplyDeleteHere I have two stars and a wish.
Star 1- I love how there is a lot of speech and that develops the character.
Star 2- During the speech,I loved how you use the word,Oblivion as it is very descriptive.
Wish- At the begining, you used alot of the word, Door. A trick you could do is use prepositions like it and for people, he, she, him,her,they,them.
Keep it up! I can't wait to see your 100wc next time!
From Emilia at www.6d.highlawnprimary.net
It is so good to see your work being shared on the 100WC Jess. I can see from the other comments that your readers have enjoyed your writing.
ReplyDeleteGreat 100wc but you need to proofread for minor errors. It appears that you have repeated door lots and it is very hard to read! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteTomasso at www.6d.highlawnprimary.net